I mean, that's not entirely fair. I know I'm good at theory and crap; but I have struggled and struggled with my need to do something that feels ~real~ instead of being ivory tower bullshit. And wow the entire edifice of academia is the worst (THE WORST), but at the same time I love research I love the possibilities of thought I love the visionary and emancipatory possibilities within knowledge production. A lot of that sense of possibility comes from my theory prof, who is both rigourously theoretical and very applied and social justice oriented in how she uses theory.
Which is all to say I impulse applied for a PhD today in my department, because my friends yelled at me. I have nine days to get my shit together, which isn't actually all that difficult since I'm already in the department, and the statement of intent is only two pages long. So it's completely absurd, but also doable.
I'm kind of ridiculous.