whatimages: ([digging a ditch])
 I'm taking this theory class this semester, and it is lighting up my whole life. The prof is so amazing and I am desperately in love with her. It's a glorious, mindbending class, and it makes me so excited to do research. Today I was asking the prof about the interface between animal studies and disability studies, and she said she could give me a reading list, except given my tendency to make more work for myself, maybe it would be best if she didn't. I protested about not wanting to be an academic, and my friend gave me the most amazing "bitch r u 4 real?" face I have ever seen. And then I took my angst to twitter, where [personal profile] allchildren  and [personal profile] liminalliz were like, this cannot be news to you. In retrospect, I can't think of a person I know who hasn't at one point said I would be good at academia. Which despite being a truly stunning aggregate of people saying this to me, it's taken quite a while for it to sink in. 

I mean, that's not entirely fair. I know I'm good at theory and crap; but I have struggled and struggled with my need to do something that feels ~real~ instead of being ivory tower bullshit. And wow the entire edifice of academia is the worst (THE WORST), but at the same time I love research I love the possibilities of thought I love the visionary and emancipatory possibilities within knowledge production. A lot of that  sense of possibility comes from my theory prof, who is both rigourously theoretical and very applied and social justice oriented in how she uses theory.

Which is all to say I impulse applied for a PhD today in my department, because my friends yelled at me. I have nine days to get my shit together, which isn't actually all that difficult since I'm already in the department, and the statement of intent is only two pages long. So it's completely absurd, but also doable. 

I'm kind of ridiculous. 

whatimages: ([most guys do])
An Update!!!!

- Yuletide! Wow this year was so great you guys. I wrote if not, winter (greek mythology, hades/persephone) and recieved remember this when you are queen which is a snow white & the huntsman fic about women and power and it is so!!! great!!!!!!

- In news that surprises no one, graduate school is exhausting. I think I have a better handle on it this term, despite the workload increasing due to being required to take a law class. But two times out of three I really like my program! 

- Nothing in the world will ever redeem being a teaching assistant, though. I teach a class I have absolutely no background in and don't care about :) :) My students and I have similar goals: to get through it with the  absolute minimum amount of effort required to not make asses of ourselves. 

-Still trying to nail down a major research topic. I know I'm going to be looking at childhood medical intervention and trauma, because the statement "medicine: traumatizing as fuck" is actually comparatively under-researched. Academia!!!!!

- Also I'm applying to my first conference! wish me luck! it's on pop culture and disability :DDD

- I'm taking ballet classes. Had my first one today, and I have to say that standing up really straight for an hour and a half is super hard. I'm kind of terrible, and I am working towards being okay with that and not letting my neurotic perfectionist shame spiral take over. 

- Mental health: relatively stable. hello i am a champion. Relatedly, I finally got learning disability testing done and am now genuine certified learning disabled, finally. not sure what flavour yet, but when I get the report I am gonna friggen frame it. 

- Probably should start applying for jobs soon. falls over, lies on ground. 

- Have been reading the attolia books because tumblr. desperately need otps to bang. that is pretty much the extent of what I have to say about that. have had minimal fannish activity outside of that/yuletide/vaguely working on some fma fic. don't worry, soon I will be done classes and procrastinating on my own research by writing 10k of weird sex probably. I know you were wondering, but trust me, I got you. 

What are YOU doing, guys?
whatimages: ([digging a ditch])
- I made a new tumblr, if you care about these sorts of things @ whatimages, for consistency. I'll be using it for fannish crap and navel gazing about characterization. Right now it's all loki all the time because holy damn do I have an excess of feelings about loki being a queerdo.

- Still writing absurd avengers fic. I think I've turned a corner on it and I more or less know the arc of it. There are a couple sticky transition bits to work out and a fair bit of just slogging through stuff/copying from my notebook. If you've been pressganged into this project, stand by for an onslaught of emails

- Obviously I loved the shit out of Snow White and the Huntsman. UGH SO GREAT. etc )

- I have a job! It's kind of terrible because my boss is a horrible monster (according to literally everyone) but it's the kind of terrible I am able to deal with because I am amazing. Whatever, not being unemployed is pretty sweet.

- The day after my first paycheque I emailed my fave tattoo artist about a new piece. RESPONSIBLE ADULTHOOD.

- OH ALSO: I have a goodreads!. In case you were wondering what my english degree was good for.

- Those last three items are a horrible post-bachelor's gen y cliche. *facepalm*
whatimages: ([gratia plena])
I've been thinking a lot about gender recently; or rather, thinking about gender has recently become a fixture of my thought. But I've been thinking specifically about my gender, my aesthetic and my personality and the way these things interface. This post is a MESS. Seriously. )
whatimages: (Default)
- I sent the last of my grad school things off at the beginning of the month; now I wait an unspecified length of time to hear back. I think I'll get into one and probably not into the other. I mean, I'll be okay even if I don't get in, but talking to one of my bffs who is doing her master's (canadian history) has made me really miss school. I just don't have enough crunchy academic nonsense in my life rn.

Though M did hear back--his first choice program called him to offer him a place and a bucket of money. And we found out last week that his application for a government research grant has passed some kind of magical signpost on its journey through government bureaucracy and he probably is going to get it (?). Either way it is pretty great and I am obvs super proud.

- Over the past couple of months or so I've gradually been acquiring a group of nerdy hot gay lady friends. YOU GUYS. All of my friends moved away in may and now I have friends again! and I don't have to pretend to be cool or anything and they are into my belligerent weirdo ways. It's great. Friendssss!

- I decided arbitrarily that it was time for me to finally actually watch Legend of the Seeker, two years after its cancellation. This is apparently the year I catch up on all the tv I missed while in school. But anyway, it's delightful and fun without being overly goofy, and the hair/faces/cleavage/abs action is fantastic. things about a show that is four years old )

Anyway--it's great and it's probaby what I will do with my weekend instead of finally finishing my sherlock fic. Because it's been six months, what's another few days? (worst writer, worst life)

- Also knitting! Really the reason I started LotS was because I wanted something to watch while knitting. But I think it's going to consume my brain for a few weeks OH OOPS. I'm finally making a stab at knitting in the round and I have to say, it's confusing as all get out.

- Speaking of stuff to watch: my sister suggested I watch/read Buso Renkin (sp?) because someone gets their heart replaced with magic and that is very relevant to my interests. Does anyone know anything about it? I was thinking of just watching the anime because trying to read manga makes my whole brain cry (I can barely deal with a combination of words and images as it is; when they're laid out the other way I just shut down). Anyway, thoughts?
whatimages: (Default)
- I'm finishing up my grad school applications like a responsible person. I was putting off this last one because I was under the impression that I needed to submit both a letter of intent and a research proposal, and I was procrastinating on the research proposal. After researching for a bit today and banging out a page and a half, I discovered I was wrong--the research proposal is like a paragraph within the letter of intent. Geez. I guess I deserved that. I choose to believe this means I'm ahead of the curve for next year. Yes

- my exciting mental health )

-Related to functional adult human shit: I have a job! Finally! It's technically a long term temp placement, so I don't actually have a contract or anything. It's staggeringly tedious and totally redundant but at least it's not stressful and the office environment isn't abusive. Most importantly: money! Aw yis.

- I managed to break my blog writing intertia/endless anxietybomb spiral and make a post at my real person blog. I'm chewing on another one, because I think I have finally, finally found an answer to the question [personal profile] allchildren asked months ago on tumblr about the meaning of femme . Yes, it's been bugging me for that long. STAY TUNED, I guess?

- I updated the fic, if you are into that sort of thing. Because I am me, I've decided that the draft that has been complete since october needed a complete revision of the third act. Obviously. Hopefully it will get done before another three months pass. #slowestwriter

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October 2013

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